A haircut-inspired purchase and 'easy on the birch twigs'

‘In the corner of the workshop, Olli Ragbin sits watching events unfold before him’

Many years ago and long before my current role as workshop repository for oil-wiping utensilry, I used to occasionally point a spanner toward a motorcycle or 2.

I enjoyed the logical puzzle of working out how something fitted together. I loved doing it too. There was only one slight problem. Well, two slight problems actually.

Problem 1.

I think I have some sort of issue in the ‘special awareness & orientation’ space. This shows itself in me being completely befuddled if presented with a nut to unbolt if it is anything other than completely straight to my line of vision. Upside down or back to front and my right hemisphere goes into over-drive by creating a visual image for my left hemisphere to accompany with the chant of ‘right-y tight-y….left-y loosie….’. This often works, however when then dealing with a bicycle pedal to remove (left-handed thread) I’m left a complete and utter gibbering wreck.

Problem 2.

I can have a fairly short and emotional fuse with any inanimate object that doesn’t bend itself to my will of force. This leads me to talking to said object. Usually through gritted teeth.

(At this point I’d like to apologies to all the nuts, bolts and brake calipers whom have shown hesitancy in the face of my spanner, for anything I’ve said which questioned their upbringing or moral fortitude.)

There, I feel better for having got that off my chest.

I say all this because it’s an important contrast to make when I see what our lovely CCM techs do, day-in, day-out.

I genuinely don’t know how they manage to keep their cool as they patiently go about teasing and cajoling long-ago rusted componentry out of snug homes for either lovingly placed new replacements or caring freshening up of tired old friends.

The best example of that from this week’s classics is the story of Ray and the Riley.

A failing release bearing from a grumbly clutch and gearbox was the diagnosis from Dr Ray and so surgery commenced. Once the patient had been gently manoeuvred into position though, it became apparent that the release bearing was just fine. At the point where I would have been reaching for birch twigs to flail 'Faulty-towers-esque' toward the focus of my attention, Dr Ray merely raised a quizzical eyebrow and investigated this little puzzle further.

It turns out that our lovely customer had been supplied with a clutch plate which had a very small manufacturing defect. A barely perceivable lip on something or other. (Eric did explain it to me patiently, but I was too busy thinking ‘how on earth did you figure that out?!’….)

Anyway, Dr Ray deftly re-assembled the Riley and re-united our recovered patient with her loving owner.

I’ll see if we can get a photo of the Riley to post as it wasn’t captured in the usual CCTV sweep of CCM visitors.

In the meantime, a picture of me in my spannering days.

I found myself gazing over the CCM pastures to see a field of MGs this week. A lovely red model and a striking lime-flower green car (had to look that up on my colour chart!)

Cold-starting problems and charging issues being tackled by young Chris and Justin as the two tag-teamed another round of knotty problems we had been tasked with.

Often, we work in collaboration with customers by tackling some of the trickier work and then handing the baton back for their owners to continue the journey of classic restoration.

It’s a journey which in reality has no real end, just the joy of travelling with our beloved companions. At CCM we’re proud to be part of that journey. (Pauses to wipes tear from corner of eye).

News from some of the more modern whips, young Chris has sorted a Volvo with significant engine problems and has turned it into a sweet-running Swede. One problem sorted, another one uncovered. A previous steward had removed parts of the Cat and the particulate filter. I offer the birch twigs to Chris. He ignores me.

Justin tracked down a coolant leak on a Nissan Qashqi. Not only that, but young Sherlock also discovered a shredded cambelt that another garage, pause for audience boo-ing, had fitted 20,000 miles ago. Elementary my dear Justin.

You’ll remember the Cobra from last week? Well work continued and this week Dr Ray had the lusty V8 rumbling away after 12 years spent in semi-shelter (the Cobra that is, not Dr Ray). The IVA test readiness continues.

I know I said she was a tame creature last week, you wouldn’t think so from the pictures and the noise though!!

Sitting for many a year on a drive in the South East of England sounds like the sort of sedentary life I could get used to. When your owner fancies a go at catering using a classic from which to vend tasty loveliness though, your days of drive-dwelling a well and truly up.

This particular Citroen HY van must have sensed its long sit-down was in danger when it spotted young Chris and Eric approaching silently downwind with their large butterfly net.

Safely bagged-up and gently trailered, the wind whistled through her ears as the boys wound their way back to CCM towers to start the work.

I’m not particularly familiar with this model. I seem to remember seeing one in ‘Allo ‘Allo a few years back on pre-YouTube Saturday night telly.

Surely a life serving skinny lattes and iced buns is better than drive dwelling….even if the drive is in the lovely Guildford area?

How does this all come together? How do the techs just deal with all this day-in, day-out?

Like any well-oiled machine, parts and supplies need to be finger-tiperry close to maintain momentum. This is no easy task in the classics scene as parts need to be sourced from a wide variety of trusted suppliers, often globally.

This week Siobhan has not only been doing the world-wide sourcing role but has also been wrangling the new technology we’ve deployed. Linking invoicing, tracking, ordering and accounting along with new software, new hardware and fielding customer calls and queries would have me reaching for the birch twigs in an instant. I’m not quite sure how she does it all, but I’ll put a fiver on the table to bet no-one else can quite spin plates with the deftness she manages.

So there you have it. Another week in the workshop where variety is the order of the day.

We’ll end this week with Eric though. I had a long chat with Ingrid on Tuesday just to make sure Eric hadn’t managed to talk her into buying a motorbike whilst on the anniversary date-night meal. It seems he hadn’t. Well that was the end of that I thought.

No.

Oh no.

Not even close.

Disappointed with being unable to get Ingrid to commit to new toys entering the Collins stable, Eric sloped off to collect a customer’s Rover P5. An absolute beauty in maroon. He sent me a picture. It looked lovely. Back in my youth I remember my barber having one. I said as much to Eric. I think this vague and tenuous connection may have been all the excuse he needed.

‘I’ve bought it’ he said over text.

I acted shocked and surprised.

I wasn’t.

Classics…. they have a way of connecting you with the past. They get under your skin. And then the mental gymnastics of justification start. It’s why Dr Ray has a growing collection of absolutely mint 1990’s motorcycles. It’s why Eric and I own 4 halves of 2 motorcycles each. It’s why Ingrid gets immediately suspicious if she spots any of us talking in hushed tones and starts locking down bank accounts and looking for my birch twigs.

So what will the coming 7 days hold? Who knows. Rumour has it that we may see a brace of Bristols in the near future.

That would be an absolute treat, particularly for Dr Ray who has forgotten more than the entire workshop's combined knowledge about this great British marque.

Stay safe and see you soon.

Ollie