Classic car mechanic – Pig of a job

‘In the corner of the workshop, Olli Ragbin sits watching events unfold before him’

Last week I had to fill up the Audi with ‘AdBlue’. For those without an oil burner, AdBlue is a diesel additive that gets injected into the exhaust to make emissions less harmful to living things. Think of it as an automotive hug for the planet. My little fill-up did get me wondering though. What on earth is in AdBlue? Surely if you are adding something into the process of combustion (albeit on the exhaust side) it can only create more stuff out of the back of the car, not less, no?

A little googling can be a dangerous thing. I’ve now found out exactly what AdBlue is. Took me 45 minutes of browsing Pistonheads, Collecting Cars and Chrono24. For some reason I have the concentration of a distracted spaniel when it comes to the internet and once surfing, the Lord alone knows what rabbit hole I’ll find myself down.

Anyway, back to the AdBlue. I got there eventually.

It’s a sure-fire sign that a technology is on its way out if the technology in question needs something akin to a whole new system engineered into the technology just to alleviate one of the side effects. If every time you bought a big mac you had to have a man with a pipe cleaner come and de-fur your arteries, perhaps you may question if big macs were really the future.

This is a shame as I quite like the diesel car. And a big mac as it happens. With diesels I like the low-down torque that the modern units produce. We all ignore the turbo-lag involved which makes the engine appear to be connected to your right foot by an elastic band, but as we’ve been used to this for years, nobody says much about it.

The new kid on the block, electricity (well, new-ish in cars at any rate) makes a singular mockery of diesels antics by supplying 100% of available torque the second your foot request it. As they become more popular I think we’ll all begin to question why we put up with the drawbacks of diesel for so long.

Anyway, back to AdBlue. Fact number 1. It’s not blue. Already it’s off to a deceptively bad start. How can they call it blue if it isn’t? Surely the marketing team at whichever petro-chemical company came up with this particular (particulate?) solution should have linked it to the climate and gone with the obvious AdGreen.

‘Love the planet but have to commute for a living? Now you can do both with a clear conscience, just AdGreen to your tank and save the trees’. I’ve missed my vocation.

At high-temperature, the Adblue, a high-purity man-made solution, turns to ammonia and carbon dioxide. The harmful nitrogen dioxide in diesel exhaust gas reacts with the ammonia and turns into the much less harmful nitrogen and water. Well, that’s all very clever isn’t it.

But what exactly is it?

Well, fact number 2, it is a mixture of urea and de-ionised water. At this point you may well think I’m taking the piss…..and I am …. to put into the car it seems. How the hell did they discover that?

Apparently, pig urea was initially on the cards, but that wasn’t pure enough, so they had to manufacture synthetic urea. Somewhere someone does that for a living. Just think about that for a moment. The implications for spousal introductions at parties doesn’t bear considering.

‘Yeah, I work in…… er….. marketing’.

I’ve got no idea what the early prototypes of the engineering mock ups looked like. Perhaps that had a sling with an overly watered pig attached to the back of the car whilst somebody played the porcine passenger the sound of running water through the stereo? Who knows.

I know my car needed its tank filling up as a little light on the dashboard told me. If you don’t heed the warning, then the car will go into limp mode when you run out and should you be foolish enough to turn the engine off, it won’t restart.

If you every breakdown in this manner just hope it’s near a garage or alternatively, a farm with high-purity fresh running water and pray that your pig-wrangling skills are up to measure. The tank has a big filler neck, but a startled pig does tend to wriggle somewhat, especially if you’re attempting to make the sound of a waterfall in its ear to encourage it.

And so from the dying diesel industry to the thriving classic car world. What’s been happening in this workshop this week?

Will 'I am' has taken some time away with the fam and hit the tracks for a big road trip. He sent back this pic just to prove that French cars don't always breakdown. (I'm betting there's a pig in the roof box just incase)

Shrimp eye Justin is absolutely obsessed with minis. He makes the team sit in one and give the thumbs up everyday before any work is allowed to begin. Alfie's turn this week

This is the sort of thing the gang love to get stuck into. It's also the sort of thing that is well beyond the capacity of me and my trusty hammer (the only tool I have...well, along with an old philips screwdriver). I'll post the transformative pic once the team have made beautiful

2 British classics. I think that's an anniversary Defender next to a stunning cream e-type Jag. If Carlsberg & Top Trumps made 2-car garages, this would score highly

Maybe a touch aggressive with the T-cut?

And so another week draws to an end whilst the next one comes a bustlin' round the corner. The weather is getting better the kids are going back to school having mullered a gross of Easter eggs. Surely it can only be weeks away from pub gardens, cold lagers and a pack of pork scratching.

Let's get ready to go to work and collectively bring back the bacon.

From all the gang at CCM, have a good week.

Olli