Classic car mechanic’s weekly motoring – AI

‘In the corner of the workshop, Olli Ragbin sits watching events unfold before him’

There’s been a fair amount of media attention given toward Artificial Intelligence this month. A US company called OpenAI have released onto the world at large a new chatbot.

'What’s a chatbot?' you may well be asking yourself. Well, when you go online to make purchases there is often an option to fire up a virtual discussion with an electronic assistant, usually programmed to answer fairly obvious questions badly at best, or not at all at worst.

This is such a difficult problem to get right, that on-line service suppliers tend to use real people masquerading as chatbots.

You have to wonder what the world has come to when humans are called upon to cover for crap robots.

The idea of automation is hugely appealing though. A room full of humans pretending to be robots is not particularly cost effective. The humans have to eat. They have to be kept warm. More often than not they require snoozes and need regular human interaction to maintain their feeling of purpose in the world.

As the tyrannical employer trying to shift internet stuff, you wait, breath baited, for technology to catch up with demand so that you can remove the weak links from your supply chain and get the real bots to work.

Imagine a genuine chatbot which could answer 1,000 daft questions a minute. No snoozing required. No food either.

Great, where do I download one?

Well, the early attempts were less than successful. Microsoft unleashed a version, they called it Tay, on Twitter in 2016. Plugged into the chaos of the worlds shoutiest town-square, the chatbot went from ‘humans are super cool’ to full-on Nazi in less than 24 hours. Cue sharp hoik from stage left and embarrassing apologies from the pointy-heads at Microsoft, who then went away to quietly thrash the bot to within an inch of its algorithm.

Things have changed though. Massively.

Microsoft knew they were onto something. Between 2019 and 2022 they invested over $2bn in Open AI. $1bn of which was for credits for Open AI to use the Microsoft cloud computing power. Clever folks at Microsoft.. invest money which has to be spent back at your shop.

They’ve since ploughed in significantly more and now own a 49% stake, for which they will begrudgingly take 75% of the profits until their stake is repaid. Sharp cookies.

So what’s all the fuss about? Is Microsoft about to launch another automated racist onto the world? Seems not. ChatGPT is the name of Open AI's new bot. Not as catchy as Tay, but one hopes a little less aggressive.

I don’t like to miss out on a fad, so I signed-up….. and within minutes I was looking at my screen in slack-jawed wonder, a similar look a Beagle might adopt if shown a card trick.

ChatGPT is plugged into an open-sourced database (in short, the Internet) with data up to 2021. So don’t ask it what happened to Liz Truss. Most other questions though, it can deal with.

Its uniqueness is its ability to structure concise and well laid-out answers to pretty much any question. Very. Very. Quickly.

Any question. Any topic.

It’s not perfect, but once you have a little go, you find yourself pausing as the dawn of realisation scatters its first rays of light upon you puzzled little face.

Let me give you an example. I asked it the following question;

‘Can you give an outline summary explaining why classic cars are appealing?’

It took 3 seconds to generate the following response;

Classic cars are appealing for a variety of reasons. One major reason is nostalgia. People often look back fondly on cars from their childhood or teenage years, and owning a classic car can be a way to reconnect with those memories. Additionally, classic cars often have a unique design and style that is not found in modern cars. This can also be a draw for car enthusiasts. Another reason is the sense of history and craftsmanship that comes with owning a classic car. Many people appreciate the fact that classic cars were built by hand, and often with more attention to detail than modern cars. In terms of future trends, it is likely that technology improvements will continue to make modern cars more advanced and efficient. However, this does not necessarily mean that classic cars will lose their appeal. Many people will continue to appreciate the nostalgia and unique design of classic cars. Additionally, as technology improves, it may become easier and more cost-effective to restore and maintain classic cars, which could make them more accessible to a wider group of enthusiasts.

Not a bad effort. Many a good point. I pause for a moment before quietly typing ‘thank you’. I want to be acknowledged as having been polite to the robot when in a few years to come they assume their eternal position as ‘overlords of all living things’

Consider your use of Google. You go looking for answers. You navigate through the maze of adverts. You find a site which may have an answer. You search around a bit more. You get half of what you want. You see a link for something to do with that ‘comedian off the telly’ you like and you’re off on a 45 minute diversion. We’ve all been there.

The ability to synthesise knowledge this crisply is uncanny. It’s not perfect. But, the next generation will be better. And better fast.

The world is changing. If you missed the landing of the internet, keep ‘em peeled. This is going to be big.

So, with one eye looking nervously over my shoulder scanning the horizon for blog-writing robots looking to come and steal my cheese, let’s move on to our authentic human techs at your human-friendly Classic Car Mechanics.

Will insists on colour-matched funnels. He's funny like that

'Where is the back of the car?' enquires Eric. A reasonable question

Duncan has superglued his hand (again) to a car. Maybe it's a protest of some sort. Who knows...

'Blue is neutral, brown is live'.. that much as I know for fact. What the hell is red? Or white for that matter....oh I give up.....'Justin..... help.....'

Shrimp eye Justin fell asleep with his hand on the radiator.... again....

Jack's decision to 'have a go' at navigating the ford was, surprisingly, not his worst of the day. That honour goes to the 'of-course-my-house-and-car-keys-will-be-safe-in-my-pocket' conclusion reached mere seconds before they sunk without a trace.

When I mentioned the rise of the AI's to Eric, he donned his 'future proof' suit and declared himself invincible to any attack from any robot. Are you not a bit warm in that?

And so, with 5% of the year already chalked off, we move on through January and look forward to the warmer months where classic legs can be stretched on bright spring mornings.

The future may be coming. We'll still be here to make sure the past is being properly cared for.

Go steady my human friends.

Olli