The green-eyed monster lands at CCM

‘In the corner of the workshop, Olli Ragbin sits watching events unfold before him’

It has been a tense week in the CCM workshop. At times it has felt like you could’ve cut the atmosphere with a cricket stump. There has been intrigue, betrayal of trust, vague attempts to make amends and to top it all off, Eric has again exposed the wallet to the sunlight in a ‘sleight of hand moment’ that Ingrid (unusually) didn’t seem to spot.

Young Chris has been busy. Very busy. His intimate acquaintance with the welding gun continues as we see him on a mission to finish off the camper, who is now looking good and almost ready for paint.

We said goodbye to a much-loved friend in the form of one of the two Bristol’s currently in residence (the 411).

As the transporter drove off, Dr Ray made his excuses and retired to a quiet corner of the workshop, dabbing the corner of his eye and complaining that ‘the onions in my sandwich always have this effect’.

I’m not sure there are many in our part of this great United Kingdom that love a Bristol as much as our ‘Former Bristol factory Technician’ Dr Ray.

To make an emotional week even worse, Dr Ray’s new best friend, Gerald the parts cleaner, seems to have broken a little bit.

I’m not quite sure on the details of what ‘a little bit’ looks like, but fingers are being pointed.

To cap it all, Gerald has clearly settled in and seems to have developed a wandering eye.

(Shrimp eye Justin in an intimate moment whispering quiet words to Gerald. It was from this point in the week that Dr Ray refused to engage in any sort of conversation with either of them.)

“It was just a quick de-grease?” protested our sharp-eyed tech, Justin.

“It didn’t mean anything”

This line of patter buttered no parsnips with Dr Ray.

Eric’s impulse-purchase gland went into adrenalin-fuelled overdrive with the arrival of Maureen, an absolutely minty-mint Morris Minor for which some snazzy sign-writing will shortly be tattooed on her flanks.

Excessive cooing followed as many a tech forgot all about Gerald and instead turned their attention to Maureen.

Dr Ray started furiously photographing every conceivable angle.

(In the background Shrimp eye Justin popped up to say ‘sorry’ to Dr Ray. He was ignored.)

A beautiful (and I mean beautiful) VW camper was being worked on. Stunning in its bright yellow paint work it just ached to be photographed.

Dr Ray and camera were at the ready.

("Sorry Dr Ray. It was just a de-grease")

By the end of the week things had settled down and Dr Ray was to be found working quietly in the sun inside the engine bay of this gorgeous green goddess where he was tackling some battery-box corrosion.

Saturday was just a sleep away and the lovely Ingrid was to be celebrating her birthday.

In preparation for the annual event, Eric did what any caring and loving husband would do. He bought himself a motorbike.

“If I’m happy Olli” he said to me with a wise look in his eye “then my dear Ingrid is happy….what more than a happy wife could I ever ask for, particularly on her birthday”.

I quickly retrieved my notebook from my pocket, dabbed my pencil on my tongue and started taking notes.

Eric’s unarguable logical conclusions are important little gems which I one day hope to be able to master to similar effect.

(Eric mentally prepares for happiness in honour of Ingrid’s birthday.)

As closing time loomed there was a small gathering of techs at the back of the workshop to admire the new arrival.

A seasoned and experienced motocross rider, young Chris leapt aboard and disappeared off into the middle distance on this screaming banshee.

2 minutes later he returned with a broad smile and some sage advice.

“Sharp front brake” he said to me.

My turn. Gulp.

I’m not used to 2-strokes. Or motocross bikes either for that matter. I hopped aboard the unbelievably light, narrow and seemingly angry Gas Gas.

I prodded the starter and she fired up. My heart-rate increased by 20 bmp.

I gently let out the clutch and slowly….very slowly inched away around the side of the workshop.

Right, better give it some beans. A sharp twist of throttle.

Nothing….nothing….nothing…then everything.

Good lord.

On my return the familiar smell of two-stroke was not the only odour detectable.

Eric looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

“What?!” I said defensively. “It made me jump” was all I could bluster. “You know I’ve got a nervous tummy”

Young Chris rolled his eyes and wandered back in to take a final look at the camper.

I hopped on board the familiar and much more laidback Suzuki.

Dr Ray went off to have a quiet word with Gerald and Shrimp eye Justin was left wondering what that funny feeling he had in his tummy was (he was going to miss Gerald. He really was).

And so we finish off by wishing Ingrid many happy returns for her birthday weekend. I am sure Eric’s unbounded happiness will have made it a very special day.

So, from Eric, Siobhan, Dr Ray, Shrimp-eye Justin, Young Chris, Gerald the wandering-eyed parts washer, Maureen the new girl in town and one truly evil motorcycle, have a great weekend wherever you are.

Olli